i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
