did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
