I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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