Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
