PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
