Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
