PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
