we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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