ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
