I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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