This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I woke up under a house in Key West
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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