Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
