i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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