speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
