escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
