she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
