my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You can't special order awesome
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
