Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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