How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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