Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
