how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
