My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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