TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
