you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
