He uses pillows to masturbate.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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