I am in a vortex of obligation.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
