You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
