So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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