Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
