Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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