I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
