i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
organizing the empties. That sober.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
