Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i don't like sucking hair
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
