I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
