"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
