Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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