my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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