it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I love you. Go after that dick
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
