I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
