Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
