there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
