I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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