all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
