if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ketchup is God's man juice
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
