he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
