I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
