My girlfriend figured out who you are.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
