Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
