you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
