Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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