i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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