We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i came on her dog
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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